Reflective essay
Questioning
I’ve always sought answers for questions that appeared to have none. Why are boys considered better than girls? Why are some people popular and others not? Why can some people afford luxuries while others can’t afford basic needs? Some days I feel like I have it all figured out. While others, I am back at square one. From a young age I understood that I had privilege that I never asked for. I could walk through the halls in high school without being asked where I was going. I could be late to school without a pass. I was always surrounded by racial, cultural and economic diversity. My parents were purposeful in putting my brothers and I in a diverse school so that we could understand the world better. This is what made me a curious child. This is what made me ask so many questions. It wasn’t until I was older and I started discovering that some of my identities -- my gender, my mental health, my learning disability- could also oppress me. This further confused and frustrated me. During my senior year of high school I spent six weeks in the outpatient mental health unit of the hospital. When I returned I remember feeling ostracized. People didn’t know what to say. They didn’t know how to approach me. While they wanted things to go on like normal, that wasn’t possible. I was receiving many questions from friends about where I had been. My therapist and I decided it would be a good thing for me to speak to my whole band class about where I was because I felt it was important to be open and honest about mental health issues in an effort to combat discrimination and social stigma. The day came that I was prepared to speak with them and I was told that I couldn’t because it might “give someone the idea to attempt suicide”. I turned to studying social justice in an effort to get become part of the solution and to try to get clarity to questions that I’ve always asked. I’ve learned that people have different answers, the answers and the questions are constantly changing, and that the solutions - and the questions - are not easy to answer.
One of the big questions that has occupied my mind in the past few years is, how do we create a sustainable world. I have taken courses that focus on trying to answer this question. In my Christian Ethics course, I looked at our moral obligation to care for Mother Earth and how it is represented in Christianity. In my Feeding a Crowd course, I looked at how food can connect people and how food can build movements in the community. People have started to build community gardens, which is helping with sustainability. We even created plans to build a Hamline community garden on campus. I’ve also taken courses that focus on unsustainable consumption habits. In my Consuming Societies course, I’ve looked at American consuming habits and how unethical they are. In my Ethnography course, I researched white middle class thrift store shoppers and how their consumption habits reinscribe power relations. These thrifting habits undermine sustainable consumption because they are often impulsive and can up the number of items they don't need but buy because of the low prices.
Beyond coursework, I’ve participated in a number of enriching activities. I worked with the Hamline Church Sprout Garden learning about the connection between growing your own food, living sustainable and caring for the Earth. Working with Urban Ventures CityKid Farm, I learned about the need for fresh, affordable produce in the inner-city. I also participated in the Catalyst trip focusing on food justice to Milwaukee. I learned about the intersection between food insecurity, race and poverty. In Milwaukee, I worked with Growing Power, an organization that really kick started the food justice movement.
While I’ve had many great opportunities at Hamline, I know I will never stop learning. I hope to learn more about volunteer management. I’ve been in the role of a volunteer so I understand what keeps me coming back. I enjoy when I feel a connection to an organization and the other volunteers working there. I also enjoy when I know I’m making a difference. I like when I have some autonomy over what I am doing. I like when I know what I should expect. I also like when the volunteer manager is available for questions or communication. I’d also like more experience in event planning, which is important to many nonprofits for networking and fundraising.
I want to continue to be an active citizen after leaving Hamline. Social Justice has taught me how to think and interact with diverse people. I want a job that makes a difference. I want to be a good parent. Social justice has taught me what I want to teach my children.